How to Help Children Cope With Big Emotions
Many of us don’t learn about emotional regulation until we’re well into adulthood, and by then, being emotionally dysregulated has already caused havoc in our personal and professional lives. This is because many of us weren’t taught to recognize, accept, or express our emotions in a healthy way. While our parents had their own challenges, we face different ones. This is where conscious parenting comes in—it’s about recognizing what we didn’t learn or the support we really needed that we didn’t receive, and making a conscious effort to provide that for our children.
What Are Big Emotions?
We experience emotions right from the time we’re born. At this stage, our emotions are basic yet fundamental, such as smiling or cooing to show happiness, crying when separated from a caregiver, or bawling when our needs go unmet.
As we grow, our emotions become more complex. Particularly between the ages of 3 and 5, children start to develop “big emotions” like frustration, embarrassment, guilt, and shame. Even when they start to understand and label their emotions, their expressions of these feelings can still be intense and unregulated.
Common Signs of Emotional Dysregulation in 3–5-Year-Old Children
- Displays intense emotional outbursts, such as crying, yelling, or throwing things in response to frustration.
- Struggles to identify and communicate emotions, leading to frustration or physical expressions like stomping or clenching fists.
- Rapid shifts between emotions, such as going from happy to angry or upset in a short span of time.
- Refusal to follow directions or complete tasks, often due to emotional overwhelm.
How to Help Your Child Cope With Big Emotions
To guide your kids through challenging emotional moments, you can teach them a few key strategies.
Identifying and Labeling Feelings
One of the first steps in emotional regulation, for both kids and adults, is identifying what you’re feeling. For children, helping them put a name to their emotions and gradually expand their emotional vocabulary can make it easier to understand and manage their feelings. For example, if your child is laughing, you can say, “I see you’re happy or excited to do this!” If they’re crying, you might say, “I see you’re feeling sad or frustrated because this didn’t happen the way you wanted.”
Pausing and Thinking Before Reacting
Children learn by observing, so teaching them to pause before reacting starts with modeling this behavior yourself. You can say things like, “I’m feeling frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a pause and count to 10 before I say or do anything else.”
Feelings are Fleeting
One of the most challenging realizations, even for adults, is that everything is temporary—and the same goes for our feelings. When children become overwhelmed, it’s important to acknowledge and validate their emotions. However, it’s equally important to remind them that feelings are fleeting. You can help them understand this by recalling a time when they felt something else strongly, like happiness or sadness, and explaining how those emotions eventually passed, and how this time around it will as well.
Breathing and Relaxation Techniques
While children may not fully understand the importance of emotional regulation techniques, it’s essential to teach them in a way that is both understandable and enjoyable. Simple activities like taking a deep breath, smelling their favorite flower or candle, or pretending to blow up a balloon can make the process more engaging. You can also encourage them to identify where they feel a particular emotion in their body and then ask them to move or shake it off, helping them release the tension in a playful way.
Helping Your Child Build Emotional Resilience
Helping your child navigate big emotions isn’t always easy—but it’s one of the most powerful things you can do to support their growth and well-being. With patience, modeling, and consistent support, you’re not just managing outbursts—you’re teaching lifelong skills that build emotional resilience.
