Understanding Self-Harm: A Call for Compassion and Support

Individuals with depression or other mental illnesses often express their emotional distress by asking for help or sharing their feelings and experiences with others. However, some individuals may find it difficult to share their emotional pain, and instead, they may resort to self-harm, which is an intentional act of physical injury used to cope with emotional pain. We should not view it as an attention-seeking act but rather as an ask for support and care.

The prevalence of self-harm is difficult to ascertain due to underreporting and the fact that most individuals engage in hurting themselves in private. However, a study on self-harm revealed that it was more common among adolescents. The findings further suggested that within a year-long period, 15% of adolescents engaged in hurting themselves (BMC Psychiatry, 2013). Another study shows that individuals from the LGBTQIA+ community and other marginalized groups are at greater risk of self-harm. This is often due to the discrimination they face and the lack of acceptance in society (National Library of Medicine, 2023). However, self-harm can affect anyone regardless of their age or gender.

Common Ways People Self-Harm

There are various ways in which people may engage in inflicting harm on themselves, which can pose a severe risk to safety.

• Cutting themselves with sharp objects
• Burning themselves with cigarette stubs and matchsticks
• Scratching, picking, or rubbing of the skin
• Pulling hair
• Banging head or fists against walls or hard surfaces

If you notice repeated bruises, cuts, or burn marks, it may be a sign that someone is struggling and needs support.

Why Do People Turn to Self-Harm?

Some individuals who engage in self-harm describe their experiences in deeply emotional terms:

‘Burning myself with a lighter is a release of all the self-hate I have towards myself.’

‘I feel embarrassed to share my feelings with someone; what if they judge me? So I hurt myself instead.’

People may self-harm to cope with overwhelming emotions they struggle to express. For some, physical pain feels easier to process than emotional numbness or distress. It can also offer a false sense of control or relief, even if only temporarily.

Self-harm often follows a vicious cycle. It usually begins with overwhelming emotional distress, which leads the person to inflict physical pain as a way to cope. This may bring temporary relief, but the underlying emotional pain often returns, continuing the cycle. Soon after, feelings of shame, guilt, and blame may follow, continuing the unhealthy pattern.

People with mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and substance use disorders might be more prone to self-harm. Relationship conflicts, bullying, competition, and family distress could also be contributors to stress and such unhelpful ways of coping.

What Is the Difference Between Self-Harm and Suicide?

A person experiencing suicidal ideation or attempting suicide struggles to find meaning in life and feels a strong desire to end it. People who self-harm use it as a coping mechanism for life’s stressors—to feel temporary respite from the pain. There is a very clear difference in intent between suicide and self-harm (Mental Health First Aid, 2020).

We should not take self-harm signs and symptoms lightly. If a person who harms themselves does not access professional help, it can lead to a lifelong pattern and may also put them at risk of suicidal attempts and suicide. People who engage in such behavior may not intend to kill themselves, but it can sometimes cause a fatal accident.

How to Access Support For Self-Harm

You’re not alone, and you do not need to suffer alone. Speak to someone you trust about the self-harm and your feelings. They may be able to hold space for your feelings and explore ways in which you can access support. 

It can take time and effort to break the cycle of self-harm, but recovery is possible. Many people find healthier ways to cope with emotional pain. In case you notice such signs, it is advisable to reach out to a mental health therapist. Therapeutic approaches, like mindfulness practices and cognitive-behavioral therapy, can be supportive in understanding your experiences, identifying unhealthy ways of coping, and exploring other ways in which you can regulate your emotions. It may also improve your mental health and resolve any unresolved issues caused by trauma. Alongside individual therapy, one can also engage in group therapy.

There is no specific medication to directly treat self-harm. However, since it often co-occurs with conditions like depression and anxiety, psychiatrists may prescribe medications to help manage those underlying symptoms. In some cases, short-term medication may help individuals feel stable enough to engage meaningfully in therapy.

A Final Word on Compassion and Support

If you know of someone experiencing thoughts about hurting themselves or engaging in self-harm, please lend them a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear. Do not judge them, shame them, or blame them. Gently motivate them to access professional support from a psychologist or a psychiatrist. It is also advisable to remove any object from their vicinity that can be harmful to them, like blades, cutters, etc. A little act of care can go a long way.